4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
