I love black thongs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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