Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
