we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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