my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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