The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
