She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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