if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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