I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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