Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
