Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
vagina is talking i cant
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
