You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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