is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
