You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We have so much sex to catch up on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize