i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
