Already got asked if we're dating
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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