I hate all girls vehemently.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
