I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you traded sex for a burrito?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
