we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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