I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
false alarm, still single
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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