i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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