yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
