I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
