i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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