i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
