Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
