I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Someone came in the potted fern
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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