Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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