break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
