i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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