your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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