My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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