I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
