remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize