Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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