You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
