i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
