I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
