i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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