I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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