last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No subtext here. People are naked.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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