this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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