i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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