Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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