pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
