Please, let me fuck your mom
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
