Small penises have feelings too.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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