Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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