I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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