I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My cat gives me a boner
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
