You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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