it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
