i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
