so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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