he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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