Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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