apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
