I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
