i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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