somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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