at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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