The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
